Struggling in PA School and How to Never let “Failure” Keep You from Success
My name is Tesakiah Harjo, and I am THAT physician assistant (PA) student you always worry you might end up being. I generally did well in school, and then PA school hit me like a brick wall. I never really had to study in undergrad. I always did well on exams and was lucky enough to get into Duke on my first try. At the beginning of preclinical year, I expected to have to put in the work, but I did not foresee the struggles I would face – and ultimately, overcome.
I am no stranger to working hard. I don’t learn quickly or easily, but school was the one thing I was good at. Then, I started PA school and found myself struggling academically. And I mean really struggling. On top of personal matters that kept piling up, my grades that first semester kept going down. My test scores were barely passing, if that. I was never a great test taker, but I had never failed before. Throughout that semester, and even a few more times during preclinical year, I kept falling back into this pattern of “failure.”
It would be a lie to say I never thought about giving up. I thought I just wasn’t cut out to be a PA. However, that is why I am writing this blog, because the only way you can truly fail is by not getting back up when you get knocked down. I want others to know that you are not the only one to have struggled in PA school. You are not the only one to have made a bad grade on a test. You are not the only one to have failed a test. I did all those things and am still here! They did not dismiss me from the program; I will still graduate. The world did not end. If I can get through it, so can you.
When I was struggling, I found that my only failure was not reaching out for help sooner.
The Duke PA Program is amazing about catching you when you fall, and as soon as my scores were on the lower side, they had me in meetings with my advisor weekly. I also met with our study methods specialist and my professors. The consistent feedback I got wasn’t that I was a bad student or not smart but that I struggled with the testing format and needed to adjust my technique. By following their advice, I got better but not quite where I wanted to be, so I decided to ask my classmates for help. I also met with our Student Disability Access Office (SDAO) representative. With this support, I began to see the change I wanted in my academics and my well-being.
I was diagnosed with dyslexia as a teenager and later diagnosed with ADHD in my twenties. I never had accommodations before PA school because I didn’t want to become dependent on them. I didn’t ask for help from my classmates because I wanted to be independent like I always had been. But we all learn differently, learning disability or not. It is ok to ask for help/accommodations, and it is ok to lean on people and change your habits. Changing your study technique every month is ok if that is what you need to do. It is ok to take care of yourself first because, as providers, we cannot take care of others if we do not take care of ourselves.
I don’t think I fit the mold of your classic PA student or even Physician Assistant. That is my favorite thing about myself. When I was 16, circumstances outside my control required me to get a GED. I was devastated, but a wise friend told me my GED “will not matter a year from now. It will not matter ten years from now.” I remind myself of that advice often. A bad grade, a failed test, none of it will matter a year from now. What will matter is that you got through it. That you did not give up. That you persevered.
Perseverance is greater than perfection.
As medical professionals, we will be responsible for human lives—the lives of people who have family and friends who care about them. We will get nowhere if we let our egos allow us to try to go it alone and not reach out for help from our colleagues when we need it. So, there is no better place to practice reaching out for help than the here and now.
I don’t really believe in failure, only a chance to learn and grow. But, if you are struggling and think you have “failed,” the only way to truly fail is to let that failure keep you down. When the world knocks you down, take a moment to catch your breath, lay in bed and cry if you need to, but ALWAYS get back up. The only path is forward. As my dad has always told me, dig your heels in and keep going.
PA school is a rollercoaster of emotion. There will always be the ups and downs. All that matters is that, in the end, you are stronger than the downs, even when strength means asking for help along the way.
Tes Harjo is a second-year student with the Duke Physician Assistant Program. Email tesakiah.harjo@duke.edu with questions.
Editor’s note: Duke Physician Assistant Program students blog monthly. Blogs represent the opinion of the author, not the Duke Physician Assistant Program, the Department of Family Medicine and Community Health, or Duke University.